Growing up, everything is about YOU. The classes you take, the extra curriculars in which you participate, who your friends are, what you're doing after graduation, who you are dating, where you are living, adventures you're going on, etc. Then, as you get married and start families it is no longer about you. It's about your spouse/significant other, kids, pets, and so on.
Well, over the last couple of years I have been feeling lost in myself. I missed who I was before family. I was outgoing, relaxed, fairly organized, read a lot, loved going out and liked trying new things. Now, with the kids (and a busy husband), its all about who's hungry, who needs to go potty, what chores need to be done, wrangling them in and out of the store/car; and the hubby is doing homework or on-call or traveling for work, etc.
What does this all equate to? NO "Me" time. Despite having everything I thought I wanted, I was very depressed. Realizing this depressed me even more-what was wrong with me?! I should be happy! After a lot of thought, I decided I needed to make some changes.
This blog is one of those changes. I decided to go "back to my roots" so to speak and rediscover myself. Notice, I'm not trying to reinvent myself. I don't need to become a new person, but I do want to become the person I enjoy being. That includes doing things I liked to do before (when it was all about "me") and finding new ways to incorporate those things into my ever-busy life.
By writing more, I am thinking more. I used to love writing about EVERYTHING. How am I incorporating writing into my life now? I have a journal for each of my sons and I periodically (about once a month) write in them about the things they are doing, words they are saying, activities they enjoy, and so on. As mentioned in a previous post, I bought an awesome planner that I write in (with colorful pens for fun) to help me be more organized, but also to write lists (which is a former passion of mine, haha). And, of course, I am writing this blog! Having the blog helps me to think of things I want to share with others through the written word. It's been rather rejuvenating for me!
I love to read! I used to buy every book I thought looked good and would read it fairly quickly. My dream was to have a library of my own in my home someday. When I got married, my husband was shocked at how many boxes of books I had and shared his thoughts on having so many...he'd rather not have them. He's not against reading or even purchasing books, but he didn't like how cluttery it made things and how much space they took up for something you rarely use. I can see the wisdom in that. He's really into technology (an IT Guy always is, right?) so he helped me get set up with reading apps and it has made all the difference! I still buy a hardcopy book every now and then, but I've gotten better at either checking books out of the library or buying digital copies instead. It's fun! I have a MASSIVE library now and the only space it takes is the memory on my phone/tablet. I can read when I'm nursing, rocking kids at night, sitting at the doctors office or in line. It has been so fun to be able to read again! Juggling a baby and a phone is much easier than juggling a baby and a book. Trust me.
Something else I am working on this year is developing talents/skills. The one I'm currently working on is crocheting! My wonderful grandmother came down for Thanksgiving and she taught me how to crochet. I've enjoyed it so much, I am opening an Etsy store called Blossoming Seed (see what I did there?) to sell my creations (which currently consists of baby bonnets and beanies). It has been so fun learning something new and discovering that I am actually decent at it! Its very encouraging.
My point? I think it can be summed up as follows:
No matter what is distracting you from yourself, keep to your roots and never stop growing!
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
In A Manner Of Speaking
We've all done it.
1. Said something before thinking
2. Forgotten to do something we said we would
3. Used an unintentional "tone" that didn't match our intent
The way we say things (and the things we don't) make a world of difference. This is a simple truth, but sometimes what comes out is just short of our goal. We (meaning ' I ') need to be more intentional in our words and actions. The following scenarios are personal events in my life that I'm sure I am not unique in experiencing. I'm not going to expound on the first statement because I am willing to bet that as soon as you read it, you thought of several things you personally have said that you regret. Again, we ALL have at one point or another, if not daily, right?
So let's start with the next in line.
2. At the beginning of the year we discussed what our some of our "Family Contributions" (chores) would be to make our home run more smoothly. My husband agreed that he could sweep and mop the floor. Since he's up and going first, so even if it doesn't get swept the night before, he can sweep in the morning so it's ready for the day. Welllll...that lasted about a week. I sweep it after meals during the day so it's not so terrible (it's a must with 3 and 1 year old boys), so really it isn't all that bad. I remind him "don't forget to sweep the floor so our baby doesn't inadvertently pick something up and choke". He responds, "ok"...and then doesn't do it. Now, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a big deal. I can sweep. What his actions say to me though are "my time is too valuable to care about making life easier for you".
My first two hours awake: "mommy, you awake?" "mommy, I need go pee-pee" "mommy baby is crying" "mommy, not that bubble bath" "no mommy" "mommy, I want THAT underwears"... get the kids ready, maybe get a shower in, handle diapers, throw in some laundry, "mommy, I'm hungry" "mommy, hold me" "mommy, baby is crying again"...
His first two hours awake: Quietly get up, shower, get ready for the day, go downstairs, eat breakfast, let the dog out, feed the dog, head to work listening to the radio station of choice...
Can you see what I mean? Is that REALLY what he's trying to say? No. But it has really made me think about MY actions and following through on the things I agree to do. I know I can definitely improve.
3. The order of our words and the tones we use have an impact, whether or not we think they do.
What I want: My 3yr old to eat his sandwich.
A.
Me: "Eat your sandwich"
3yo: "I want more milk"
Me: "After you eat your sandwich"
3yo: "NO! I want more milk."
Me: "When your sandwich is done"
3yo: "I want milk! No eat sandwich!"
...obviously things aren't going well...
B.
Me: "Eat your sandwich"
3yo: "I want more milk"
Me: "You can have more milk when your sandwich is all gone"
3yo: "Ok, mommy, I eat my sandwich all gone then mommy get me more red milk"
...things went more smoothly...
What made the difference? He still needed to eat his sandwich first, so why was he frustrated in the first scenario, but not the second? Simple-I acknowledged what he wanted and then told him what he needed to do to do it. Without acknowledging his desire, he couldn't listen beyond his own desire. I find it interesting that by simply showing someone we are listening to them, they are more willing to listen to us.
No matter what you say or do, let us all be more aware of the effect we truly have on others and more conscientious of how we address each other.
1. Said something before thinking
2. Forgotten to do something we said we would
3. Used an unintentional "tone" that didn't match our intent
The way we say things (and the things we don't) make a world of difference. This is a simple truth, but sometimes what comes out is just short of our goal. We (meaning ' I ') need to be more intentional in our words and actions. The following scenarios are personal events in my life that I'm sure I am not unique in experiencing. I'm not going to expound on the first statement because I am willing to bet that as soon as you read it, you thought of several things you personally have said that you regret. Again, we ALL have at one point or another, if not daily, right?
So let's start with the next in line.
2. At the beginning of the year we discussed what our some of our "Family Contributions" (chores) would be to make our home run more smoothly. My husband agreed that he could sweep and mop the floor. Since he's up and going first, so even if it doesn't get swept the night before, he can sweep in the morning so it's ready for the day. Welllll...that lasted about a week. I sweep it after meals during the day so it's not so terrible (it's a must with 3 and 1 year old boys), so really it isn't all that bad. I remind him "don't forget to sweep the floor so our baby doesn't inadvertently pick something up and choke". He responds, "ok"...and then doesn't do it. Now, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a big deal. I can sweep. What his actions say to me though are "my time is too valuable to care about making life easier for you".
My first two hours awake: "mommy, you awake?" "mommy, I need go pee-pee" "mommy baby is crying" "mommy, not that bubble bath" "no mommy" "mommy, I want THAT underwears"... get the kids ready, maybe get a shower in, handle diapers, throw in some laundry, "mommy, I'm hungry" "mommy, hold me" "mommy, baby is crying again"...
His first two hours awake: Quietly get up, shower, get ready for the day, go downstairs, eat breakfast, let the dog out, feed the dog, head to work listening to the radio station of choice...
Can you see what I mean? Is that REALLY what he's trying to say? No. But it has really made me think about MY actions and following through on the things I agree to do. I know I can definitely improve.
3. The order of our words and the tones we use have an impact, whether or not we think they do.
What I want: My 3yr old to eat his sandwich.
A.
Me: "Eat your sandwich"
3yo: "I want more milk"
Me: "After you eat your sandwich"
3yo: "NO! I want more milk."
Me: "When your sandwich is done"
3yo: "I want milk! No eat sandwich!"
...obviously things aren't going well...
B.
Me: "Eat your sandwich"
3yo: "I want more milk"
Me: "You can have more milk when your sandwich is all gone"
3yo: "Ok, mommy, I eat my sandwich all gone then mommy get me more red milk"
...things went more smoothly...
What made the difference? He still needed to eat his sandwich first, so why was he frustrated in the first scenario, but not the second? Simple-I acknowledged what he wanted and then told him what he needed to do to do it. Without acknowledging his desire, he couldn't listen beyond his own desire. I find it interesting that by simply showing someone we are listening to them, they are more willing to listen to us.
No matter what you say or do, let us all be more aware of the effect we truly have on others and more conscientious of how we address each other.
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